It has been almost 5 years in continuation, where I haven't backed my ability to perform and compete at the highest level. Be it the IIT preparation, be it CAT, be it with IAS or be it with Economics, I always seem to fins some excuse or the other for my complacency and ill planning and hazardous execution.
In spite of showing promise, i always fail to perform as my motivation level and hardwork goes down after a month or so of any preparation I do.
I talk big, yet fail to deliver.
I am a total failure in life, and have almost come down to pity myself.
I wasn't this, i was a much better person in college, i had the courage to back my words, to say what i wanted.
Suddenly the world has grown dimmer, i don't see things clearly, and i have developed this bloody fear of the unknown.
What if I do this and it does not work syndrome has caught me like anything and I am almost nearing the peak of my identity crisis.
i want to do a lot, I know i have the potential to do a lot more than i can ever imagine, yet the quest for glory, glamor and destiny is stealing away the success map of present from me.
I am totally lost, and I am the one to blame, the problem is me and I have to find the solutions.
I am down, hopefully not out.